


Another Incredibly Deadly Viper

by ineffablepuns



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale gives Sunny a lecture on snakes, Crossover, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Fluff, She doesn't listen AT ALL, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), honestly there's not much to suggest it's sunny but I SWEAR it's her, just the purest amount of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 15:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20978171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablepuns/pseuds/ineffablepuns
Summary: Crowley just wanted a quick nap, but he's interrupted by a bright-eyed, sharp-toothed toddler who wants to pet him. And, with no one else around, how can he say no?





	Another Incredibly Deadly Viper

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this earlier on my Tumblr and decided to post it here too! 
> 
> So, what started as a goofy little idea of Sunny Baudelaire meeting snake!Crowley for fun turned into almost 1,000 words of just pure “Crowley is soft for kids” fluff with only the faintest hint that it’s the Baudelaires. Hope you enjoy this fluffy nonsense as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Crowley has taken to napping in Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

Occasionally, he’ll drape himself over the ridiculously old couch in the backroom, limbs dangling off the furniture at angles that would make a human sore. He’ll always wake to find his glasses set aside, a tartan blanket over him, and Aziraphale nearby, reading. 

Other times, he likes to curl up in his snake-form and warm his scales in the sunlight streaming through the windows. Aziraphale tries to act annoyed, but Crowley knows he doesn’t really mind, especially when his presence scares off unwanted customers (which is every customer). 

Today is one of his ‘snake nap’ days, but just as he’s about to drift off, he hears footsteps coming closer to him. He waits for the moment the shopper notices him and rushes away with a shriek. Instead, the footsteps pause at the end of the shelf, followed by a quiet gasp, before they start to get closer. 

Not exactly what he was expecting (or _wanting_), but he’ll scare them off if he has to. 

Hissing lowly, he lifts his head and finds himself almost eye level with a small, blue-eyed child. She takes a quick step back, eyeing him more cautiously now that she’s realized he’s awake. Whatever she finds in that short moment must be good enough because she steps closer with an expression Crowley can only compare to the way Aziraphale looks at crêpes. 

“Proptic!” the child babbles, smiling with some unnaturally sharp teeth as she makes a gesture towards his eyes. Using the same hand, she starts to reach closer. “Pet?”

_No one else is around_, Crowley thinks. _No one else has to know_. And so the Serpent of Eden bows his head for the practically-giddy child and lets her pet him. 

She’s only pet him a few times (and s’nice, he’ll admit to no one) when Aziraphale rounds the shelf and gasps out, “My dear girl!”

The child exclaims an apology as she whips around to face the angel. Aziraphale clears his throat and gives her a nervous smile. He has never been the best with children. 

“It’s alright,” Aziraphale promises. He glances back at Crowley, seemingly weighing his options on letting this all go or trying to teach the girl something valuable from this whole incident. “Well,” he’s decided on a quick lecture, apparently, “it’s just best to not approach…potentially dangerous animals.”

“No bite!” She crosses her arms (pouting?) and adds, “Nice!”

_Oh, great_. Aziraphale’s got that look on his face that promises to be “just enough of a bastard” about that comment later, but he sticks to his lecture for the moment. “He could still bite. It’s best to be cautious, even while loving all Her creatures.”

Crowley, now wanting to make Aziraphale’s job all that much harder by being a contradiction, slithers around the child slowly and nudges his head against her cheek. When the angel narrows his eyes at him, Crowley simply lays his head down on the child’s shoulder. _Oh yes, this is very evil. I’m teaching this child to approach other dangerous snakes in the future, obviously_. He’s just going to ignore the child’s giggling and the excited way she wraps her hands around him. 

“You wily, old serpent!” Aziraphale huffs. Crowley only nuzzles a little closer. “Leave the poor child alone!”

“Sunny?”

The child (Sunny, he guesses) perks up and waves at the other two children who have walked over. Nervously, Aziraphale also looks over, folding his hands in front of him. “Uh, yes, hello, dears. I was just about to get the snake to move, even if it requires a _miracle_.”

An empty threat, really. Still, Crowley unwinds himself and slithers towards the backroom. No time for napping anymore anyways, so he might as well change back. Before he can get too far, Sunny makes a noise of complaint. “Chamel!”

“Maybe the snake _does_ look like Viper, but Sunny…” the boy trails off, still looking a bit shaken. 

“He’s harmless, really.” Aziraphale starts to usher the three children to the front of the shop. “Now, did you find any books you liked? Let’s see what you’ve found.” Crowley uses this as his chance to change back and notices, now, the look of disappointment on the youngest’s face. With a snap, he miracles a book on snakes, complete with an apple tree bookmark, near the front for her to find. _Just spreading knowledge, real evil. Spooky snake pictures and everything. Definitely doesn’t have any facts on spotting venomous snakes or anything like that._

\- - - 

“I can’t believe you gave away those books, angel.” Crowley fills Aziraphale’s glass (third one of the night) before topping off his own. “Figured you would have chased them out with nothing.”

“Oh, and I suppose I should have _not_ let the youngest take that book on snakes either, my dear?” Aziraphale asks. Before Crowley can start to argue about the inherent evil of the book, Aziraphale adds, “And they seemed to need a break. They truly loved the books that they had picked out.”

“Right,” Crowley finishes off his glass, “and they also needed a lesson on dangerous animals, huh?”

“The youngest did! She could get hurt,” Aziraphale argues before _oh, there it is_. _That spark of a bastard_. “Then again, she did seem fine. She said that you-”

“Shut it, angel.”

“They’re coming by tomorrow as well.”

Crowley pauses in reaching for the wine bottle. “Why would I care?”

“The youngest is hoping to see the snake again and show him her book.” The angel takes a sip from his glass, watching him over the rim, and gives a slight shrug. 

“Might be busy, with things.”

Him and Aziraphale both know he’ll be back tomorrow. 


End file.
